Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
