I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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