First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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