I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
