My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
