she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
