Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
no you cant smoke seaweed
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
