that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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