4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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