Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
