I'm really into asian looking animals
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We are two peas in an std pod
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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