okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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