he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
