he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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