u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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