i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
tell me about the eggs
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
