No awkward lesbian experiences without me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize