Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
