Ambien. No doubt about it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
