Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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