i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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