We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
