i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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