dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I deserve this hangover.
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