I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
