I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
