so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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