i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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