I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
