I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Enjoy the penises
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
