You're completely useless in the revolution.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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