Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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