it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
