I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I need moral support for this bender
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize