I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
