apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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