Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
