oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I can't turn off my feet"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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