I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
