you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
