I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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