i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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