do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
