No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
