evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just had sex on a roof
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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