Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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