Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
