Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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