Need sex. Gaining weight.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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