Jerry, you need to find god
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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