dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
