Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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