he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
