If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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