woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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