Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
