Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Congratulations! We have a period
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