I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize