I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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