just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
