Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
