I am spending my child support on dildos
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
