Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
