if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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