Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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