You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
